Focus

I'm grateful I'm having this focus the whole week It's not so much, but it is good for a start. I started quite late to get my focus on and realize I need to do this. It's better than having nothing. Well, I'm hoping for the best. I'm listened to what my MS teacher said, and I put in in mind as a note to self.

I finished MS, Communicable Disease and Psychiatric Nsg. I didn't go too much in detail because it was so many. I just kind of took a recap. I'm still afraid though :(( Makes me nervous.

There's still so many.
May the focus be with me. I want to get that two letters attached at my name.

Graduation

2,601 hours of Related Learning Experience,
uncounted hours of paper works making, errors made,
 professors' statements such as "What will you do?" "Give me more" "...did you study?" "That is not enough",
moments hanging by a thread,
waking up early, staying awake 'till 6am,
countless of complaints,
missed opportunities,
witness birth and death,
 patience over schedule changes
Antipolo - Cogeo community health
families story known
patient's smiles

One does not simply graduate without eyebags and pimples

My school days are over, but my learning experiences will not end.
I cannot be in this state without the support given by my family, colleagues, friends, and God.

I will be serving people
I will be supporting my family
I will be a living HERO in my own little ways
:3



Job well done
Batch 2012!

Chill

I skipped school today.

I lied that there is no classes today.

I do not feel like going to school today -- though I know my duties, but I think I'm not going too serious about it. I have slacked for a week as well. I just don't feel it :p

I think I haven't grown to fear what may happen. I have not tried to picture it and so maybe that's why -- or I just loss my sense of imagination on that part.

I think I really lack motivation or drive.

I haven't really felt satisfaction with my academic life. I've written about this already -- I'd probably satisfy myself in some other aspects. Its not that my 4 years were put to a waste :) Of course there are a lot of things that have happened to me that made me who I am today. I've acquired certain qualities -- thanks to the unpredictable institution I am in.

Well going back to the topic, I think a school day off may just be fine -- I do not like to stress myself today.

Lax mode on :3

Whew

My cases were approved.

I was relieved.

But not yet totally - until that day that I know I am sure of everything O_O

Still anxious and nervous.

Uncertain

I am nervous.

I need to confirm things or else.

LOL.

I think I defy things at the wrong time

Cheer up!

I cheer myself up with:

Eating

Sleeping

Playing with my dogs

Watching anime series

Watching drama series

I just basically cheer myself up. Problem solving ain't in between the lines >:O

Lol.

Bad idea.

I don't find school amusing anymore.

It does not get me the sense of having fun or bringing out the best of what I have. It may be a school of excellence but it does lack different forms of motivating people. Four years might have been enough to make me realize that I should have made my life in that institution. I should have been the boss of myself -- I should have treated it like work. BECAUSE that's what they have been trying to tell, but didn't actually said it, since the day I stepped on college.

Students were the one's who'd walk their papers.

Students should be the one asking, arranging schedules, finding who their professor was -- if not they will never come. I never knew the process was supposed to be this way. I have been fed during high school. In HS they give us guidelines, write down everything and give all information needed. Here? In this course? Different story. VERY.

You'll never live if you don't xerox a copy of the notes.

And when papers are in front of you, just GRAB it, it is important. If teachers says they want this and that from you, give it. Give it ASAP because just one day they'll remember that and go looking for it. Like 'students vomit the things i asked'. Then we'll complain but but and but. True, I'd complain. But I still need to give it, because they are higher than you. I've learned that. I've fuckin learned that.

Well, probably these problems were made possible because:

1. Students > Professors

2. First time managing a big crowd

Doesn't sound amusing at all.

And here I am.

Graduating? LMAO

I can not pull any excitement out of it.

I'm done here.

GV come every other day

Good vibes today :)

Had accomplished tasks

Hope it'll continue.

E ano ba talaga

WHY this path?

What have I done with my life...

What have I been wasting?

NO freaking point.

NO drive, no motivation, no goal.

Where will I go then?

Stupid.

Shitty things.

All the shit has been dumped on me... but I'm not cleaning it - I don't know how to! :"(

No faking support.

Huhu.

I do not want to take the test this JUNE :"(

Ilagay na nila ako sa October. Sige lang.

At least hindi ako kukuha ng hindi ko maipapasa. Hindi ako uulit, ma dedelay lang ng ilang buwan pero at least kaya ko diba.

Tae.

Ayoko kasi sabihin sa sarili kong, ayoko nang mag-aral kasi --- hindi talagaa ako mag-aaral. Ngayon pa nga lang e, medyo wala akong gana pero, lakas kong hindi gumalaw. Haha. Sakto nakapasa ako sa CA exam -- e parang basics lang yun -- e ngayon, kulang pa ako ng foundation / knowledge. E kung wala nang ibang pinoproblema edi magbabasa ako. E andyan, nakapila sila e, magagawa ko? Then I'll hear people trying to keep themselves positive, screw you shitheads like I can be like you. Ha. I WAS but I'm getting pulled by the bigger crowd who are RANTING day and night.

Sorry self,

If I'll be honest to myself, I might be able to get things done...

Huhu

Y'know why? After a rant, you'll realize -- maybe, just maybe you really want to get this thing -- because why would you cry, if it does not affect you -- if you don't really care -- if you don't want it... why rant and notice all the bad things... well just maybe, there's a portion in my thoughts, I want to get things done.E para sa akin nga ba talaga? Baka bukas sabihin ko nanaman "sayang" e pota, gulo gulo ng isip e ni-isang paraan hindi sinubukan. E paano susubukan e wala ngang gana? Ano na? Kain, laro, tulog nalang muna baka ganahan pang gumawa ng paraan. KASI kung HINDI sana MAGULO at kung MAAYOS ang lahat ng bagay edi mas maiisip mo "shet hindi ako nagkamali, tama ang pinili ko" dibaaaa? Kaya lang naman may rant kasi may HARANG. Kung walang harang, walang rant, walang dalawang isip etsetehrah.

Well...

Kahit matapos lang, basta wala kang iiwanan na bagay na nasimulan. Kasi andyan na, tinapatan lang kasi ng problema. Di ko naman alam na may tatapat dun na MGA problema.

>:|

HUHUUUUUUU.

E nasa sarili ko pa rin ang lahat.

Bahala ako

Buhay ko e.

:|

Pakamataaaaaaay.

Lol.

Walang iisang side ang post na ito.

Kbye

Benign

I'm not doing anything O_O

I mean, there's a test tomorrow. I have failed the previous one. I mean - LOL. Later I will study - I do not have the drive to do so. Am I wrong? LOL.

A B C D

Plans plans plans.

The best things yet to happen if Plan A gets done. If it didn't work out, good thing Plan B's just lined up! Good to go. If things just didn't went on quite right, so at least Plan C's bearable. Then all of a sudden just for some crap thing didn't show up, you get the Plan D -- an you'll really be happy even if it wasn't the best, good, or the bearable because you FINALLY get to DO something.

That feeling. That feeling of planning and planning and getting rejected.

Time won't be spent forever, and no there's no slow motion nor pause. If they want to get things done they will find a way. But if you don't want it, reasons reasons REASONS.

Ha.

A lot of things happening in this month --- each day just pass by. Test after test. Defense and defense. Completion. Review. Actually I want to review already.

Hope things will turn out well despite the shortcomings or whatnots.

I still believe I can.

A little push at the back

I'm having the ideation of taking a step backward as to where I am standing now. But it is sooo risky that I am also thinking I do not want to wait for months and pay some fee as I wait for the time I'll finally -- rather formally graduate.

HA.

I shall still promise myself that I'll complete things, all due March 15. I do hope my monthly period comes right away, I think it is one of the factors that contributes to my laziness, sleepiness, and 'i just want to eat play eat' kind of attitude these past days.

Boost boost boost :)

I still believe I can!

This is just how I think

I just can't believe this day. It's not that it is a bad day, but some things are happening and it is making me relate it to my life. Yes -- if that's something deep, I don't care cause that's what I think XD

I was looking for a gift for Simon. I don't really know what he likes. I'm clueless. And he's a boy -- I don't know what boys want. I know they wear boxers but that's not what Kuya Tan and I planned. It was a shirt. I was ready to just forget about it :)) really because it was getting confusing what to give him. But I randomly gave it another try. The moment I saw that shirt I knew it was for him :)) HAHA. Simple but it is him, he uses "XD" too often :))

Okay anyway the point is, I tried the whole week but in every place I usually just browse, decide that I don't like it and go. That kind of attitude somehow summarizes who I am. I look for something but I can't find what I am looking for. Good thing that this time I didn't give up :]

With all the challenges up ahead I'm getting nervous -- and giving up may be SO easy.

And the next thing.

I thought the mass for our choir would be 5:45 but it was 4:45. I don't know why but it pissed me really bad. I just woke up by 5:20-ish. It was my plan that I'll go -- but I was having second thoughts because I AM LATE. I do not like that feeling. YEA I get late for school but I don't know, I just don't like the feeling today hahahaha.

SOO.

It also rained. I was ready to sulk and decide not to go. But I don't know I went back home and grabbed my umbrella and went on the way. The moment I got to LGV it wasn't raining at all.

Was it only me who experienced the rain?

It bothers me why it rained the moment I went out of the house.

SOOO

My conclusion is that -- there are really a LOT of things that will pull you away from your goal. A lot of challenges and all, but you do not have to quit. You can take a few steps back, get what you need or know the things you need to know and then that's the time you get your ass on the way.

Seeing my choirmates, being able to sing, and seeing Simon surprised, those were my simple rewards.

AHAHA.

I also played S4 and realized that it is hard Sniping -- but the moment you get your points for shooting the enemies --- it's the wow feeling I'm telling you

I'm so sorry if I am kind of over thinking or over analyzing or over relating things to ALL THE CHALLENGES that's going in front of me.

The thing is, I won't give up I swear to God I will graduate and I will get my license.

All of these events followed by today's quote from facebook's Message from God:

That when you come to a wall, you can either climb it, or you can simply walk around until you find a door

I may not be the BEST person or the SMARTEST one. I'm NOT even that close -- but I've come this far. I am worth it. I am proud of myself and whatever those freakish things you'll ask me to do, school, your not going to bring me down to my knees.

I shall remember this.

---------------------

The fuck.

There's just this freakish guy, kind of throwing his helmet I thought it was our car that broke or something. Ha. A drunk guy shouting at his wife and kid. That kid --- he's not going to forget this.

I stared at the rampaging guy. I will go out -- I don't know why :))))

Well I imagine trauma to happen. Like they get stab wounds or they hit their head.

None like that happen tonight.

My legs were trembling but my mind was sharp

HAHA.

Kind of reviewing first aid

HHHAHA

Kidding. I was just concerned with the lady and the kid. And I want to scream shut up at the guy. Ha. I have that kind of random attitude.

I went around the car to check it out. LIKE A BOSS cause I went pass by that guy who was rampaging. As in he was here, and I pass by *le derp* I think it was kind of dumb, cause what if he threw that helmet to me.

I'd probably... kick him. HA! Too violent. I dunno.

That feeling. It was nice XD

It does not come too often.

SOOOOOOOOO

Lengthy post.

Been a long while.

But it was lengthy cause it was two stories merged into one.

Because it's just one day!

Jampacked.

One Long Day

Today was a long day.

We took our first drill test this morning. That's 190 questions in total. Of course I didn't study -- but I still have the guts to HOPE I passed.

Then we waited 'till 3 to hear all of the announcements. I don't know why, but just listening to everything that they say seemed to be complicated. It's like everything pilling up (ﾟヘﾟ)

Planning and thinking is just a burden to my sensitive brain. I guess thinking ahead is the hardest part because when you are already engaging in what you planned, things will just go. Whether or not it goes according to plan, at least everything is right in front of you and you know where to turn to fix things up. Too much thinking does not really go anywhere. Told ya, it's a burden!

So right after that toooo much thinking.

I went to Gateway with my friends. Good thing, really goood thing I had somewhere to go to right after that overwhelming schedule talks. Somehow the thoughts were set aside. Although I enjoyed watching a movie and eating with those two -- I still want to spend more time with them :)) yea... because I want to sit down and talk about anything. (￣▽￣)ノAs in random things. I'd love to do the same with other friends. You know, when you just chill, not minding "what time is it?" HAHA. LOL at myself am I deprived or something ? AHAHHA. Or naaah, I just miss them so.

Moving on~

*i can't believe i'm saying this but* I feel old. I can't feel the youth in me anymore HAHAHA stupid responsibilities and tasks, makes me feel I'm not taking things easy anymore. Now bring that happenings back XD This feeling makes me want to plan for the future. Like how to earn money and stuff... oh shucks. See I'm thinking -- I dunno if it is over thinking already but HA. Funny shit.

OH~!

I got my graduation picture by the way. Honestly, I do not like it. Good thing the terrible feeling of disgust was compensated with my creative shot. It was simple and nice :" > Seriously, I hope that was my graduation picture instead! hoho. I look fat-so in the graduation picture. I like my high school graduation picture better. Whew. I look better than that(×_×;）

Friends are telling me to fix my appearance. Why?

Not just 1 or 2 people, like them them. I haven't been conscious, not until they started commenting. I wonder how 'bad' I look in their perception lol. The only ones that compliments me are my parents lol -- what a given. HA. Not to be vain or something, but I just want to write about that. Perhaps after some years, I'll remember them about reminding me to gussy up.

Wow this post became really random towards the end. I was trying to be more topic centered on every blog post I make. Though I guess I will fail. I'll just be spontaneous -- like anything that pass by my thoughts. It's better - 'cuz every thought is just connected with each and every stuffs.

'Till theeeeeeeeeen!

Such a lovely daaaay

There are just those days, wherein I feel like not doing anything -- but I still end up doing it. I don't really know how I end up writing those parts of our documentation. My mind like runs by itself. I'm not enjoying nor hating what I was doing. I was just -- doing (ーー;)

Luckily I didn't have any bad vibes moments today.

Oh no wait... I actually did! My head really ached It was so terrible I was ready to cry but crying was troublesome so I shut my up, looked for Biogesic and popped it in my mouth. It took effect after 30mins. My head really ached badly and I appreciated the feeling after it was gone -- it was like, heaven was brought down on earth ヽ（´ー｀）

This day just worked out randomly.

Now before going to bed, I'll watch Insidious.

Other feed-backs suggests it is scary. Well not scary just... horrifying... or shocking...

I'll see for myself.

The Neuroscience Nursing Seminar

I just sat down the whole day, but I learned a lot.

You know, what I really want to see inside a classroom is not a smart, serious, all-knowing, and feeling superior kind of professor. I want a good communicator, someone's who is passionate and someone ready to share what he has in store.

Smart is just a given. All professors are smart but not all of them are good at teaching.

I attended a seminar today leaded by Dr. DaiWai Olsen from Duke University. I was listening to him the whole time. It was roughly 8 hours of seminar, and I was listening to him the whole time. Well, there are terms that I did not quite understand -- since its about neurology HAHA. But the point is, I listened. He is a teacher worth listening to. If he was my professor since then, as a fourth year now, perhaps I would understand everything he says.

Just imagine how privileged his students are, having someone like him.

He does not just teach by the way, he empowers.

"Speak because you have something important to say,

and the world needs to know"

"They're not more important than us (doctors).

I believe we are equal and we should collaborate.

Do I still think that I should give them my chair?

Yes...but I think there should be two chairs"

Notice the second quote? He does not think of pushing the other one down. I will never think about that. I'll always think that they are superior -- and that I'm bound to follow. But behind their backs I might say I am better 'cause I stay at bedside 8 hours. LOL. He changed my views though. I'm not a follower -- I am a SUPPORTER. Heroes does not win without the help of their side kicks.

Whenever he asks a question, and we do not raise our hands -- he'll tell "You did not raise your hand, why?" It's funny how he would stare at that person, as if he's a black hole - ready to suck out what you have in mind because you're not saying it XD But that simple question, falls down at what he means by saying the first quote.

I've just learned about him that day -- but I already admire him.

You don't get the chance to hear someone who has been changing lives of patients, as in REALLY changing lives -- but I did! And I am privileged enough.

I am SO glad I attended his seminar.

It was all worth it! Best one so far :D

Mr. and Ms. Nursing 2012

I'm SO proud of the people behind the presentation of Mr. and Ms. Nursing tonight. They really made an EXCELLENT job. I also commend the talents of our Ms. Nursing, Marisse who really showed a leveled up performance. Gon's performance was also a jaw dropper because he really waaaaaaaaaas so great in dancing. It's like a live concert up there.

I'm so proud of them

Weekdays

I'm home already?

Today's time went by so fast. Just wow -

I'm not used to it however, I prefer things to go this way. Unlike what happened to me during Monday to Thursday. Time was so sloooooow.

ANYWAY, school updates.

Community

Our second week for community = DONE! The last day was the day when we got a company to experience our occupational health nursing. During our first week we only submitted a letter to one company. We waited and believed for an answer. But there was none so we have to make another move. We submitted again, to one of those pharmaceutical company. They were accommodating, however, since majority of their workers are in the production area - we can't assess them. But at least, they were not like the first one who did not even bother to reply even if we follow-up everyday.

The last one, lucky - they were accommodating and they are willing to accept us. It's a chemical factory by the way.

The funny thing is that, the first two companies - we took pictures of the signs of their company name because they are well known. But the last company, we didn't take a picture. It was not that known and perhaps we were tired to take pictures - so we didn't. HAHA, and yet we were accepted.

MAYBE, things goes like - don't take a picture because you'll come back again, you can do it anytime OR take a picture, you won't come back here anymore.

:P

Occupational Nursing for two weeks is like job hunting. Search - visit - inquire - submit - wait - follow-up - wait - wait - wait - and the result is either good or bad. If it's for you, it's for you.

NOW DONE WITH THAT.

Competency Appraisal

For the first two weeks - honestly, I slacked off. I think I failed all tests.

This week, I tried to make an effort. I browsed my book and even brought it to school. I just don't know if I passed the test.

I've been getting feedbacks, that the CA exams are hard. Like 200 item quiz every friday and the passing rate is 80%.

I think it is a nice way to review us, and given that I am quite bothererd with my study attitude which is kin of lax. I need to face my books again so I can refresh and learn more.

I shall do something, in short XD

Wrap-up

GOODLUCK. GOOD VIBES. PRAYERS. Work harder. Gooooooooo~!

Chill dudes

I'm going to describe my attitude for the past two weeks -- CHILL.

As in, I never even tried to review our lessons.

However now, I am bothered about my grades :)) 'Cuz it's not nice haha.

I'll for the next week :) hoho

Humdrum

Heya!

I've changed my layout XD I miss the times I spend making my own. Lol. Well, that won't happen anytime now. I can't make one with the time I spent in school.

My duty schedule changes per week. I go to the hospital at 6-2, 2-10 or 10-6 four times a week. And I have classes every Saturday. Sometimes on-call on fri-sat.

A humdrum.

A monotonous routine that's getting quite old.

I get envious at people who does things accordingly to what they want. I don't know why I bother thinking what others are doing instead of doing my own thing. Perhaps I'm just not satisfied with my current situation. I probably want to explore on what things the world can offer.

Do I think too much?

Lol.

I wonder what would it be like if I'd pursue medicine. Well... you get to stay in the hospital and do rounds like a boss -- you do not need to think of what to do next because you probably would have a lot of things lined up. But as a consequence, you'll be giving up time for sleep, play, social and randomness.

If i'm not a medicine student on the other hand, if I'll just be a nurse, I'd probably try to get used to my job, learn about prescribed medications and all sorts after I graduate. And then about 2-3 years from now, perhaps during benign days, I just got to be creative to spend my time more fashionably fun.

HAHA.

Actually this life is like the "Skill Tree" on DN SEA.

You got two branches and something in between. You can only chose one and try to make combos so that you'll level up fast. you can't have everything because you have limited SP XD

Yea yea.

Sigh.

My posts does not differe from my other posts.

There's no improvement XD

I mean, it's all rants and as if there's nothing happy going on in my life :))

Shitty.

Nah.

It's just that happy thoughts are not meant to be written down, they're meant to be verbally shared XD And all problems should be jotted down, so it won't pile up that you got to go and bitch around.

HAHA.

I'll end there.

'Till then!