Numbers

This post contains the grades I got in the Licensure exam. Yeah you guessed it right, it's for bragging purposes. Lmao. Well whatever -- it's going to be an inspiration for me.You can't say that these are mere numbers -- to me it's something big that I want to look at and be proud of. 

Continue reading, if you don't mind my boasting ;)

TADAAAAA.

Just shit right. The moment I saw it it's like, what the hell I got some high numbers going in there. Like 84? I BARELY see that on my card. During High School I get C's... :(( Actually this makes me want to cry. An average of 80%? I'll take that the rest of my life. In college, I get 3.0 on major subjects and it breaks my heart but I'm thankful I passed. 

Now I get 80%? What is there to not be proud of myself?

:(( 

Tears of fucking joy.

I may not be the best but I've got this far. 

This is somehow a boost to my self-esteem... 

I'm not a fan of giving a bull about my grades but this one really -- 80% ? Hooo. Am I getting full of myself already? T_T I better cut this post short or I'll end up with more than two hellish horns.

However honestly, seeing three line of 8's there, it makes me regret having two 7's. Like the 79? I kind of wonder if I could have pushed more. I was already pushing so hard when I was taking the exam. Could have been better. But I'm thankful for having 79. I'm thankful, but still I question why noooot  80 instead? 

I'm much more thankful having 76! Like what if that damn thing fell of to 75? 74? I was hanging in there and thank God T_T I want to cry my ass off that for being 76.

I remember 

Our first test drill for NP1, it was over 143 items and the passing score was 114 -- that is 80% of the total score. 

That first fucking test, I passed that. I got 118. I can't forget that because out of  everyone only some passed. Honestly, I was happy yet I didn't really mind because -- it was just like a bonus, like LUCK.  But now that I remember it, oh how glorified I feel. 

Also I remember my in house days.

I got to the top like, twice. (the third one was an assignment so that's a bonus). 

I remember one score like, 76/100. That's the highest and it was only 3 of us who got that. (OH DAMN LOOK I HAVE 76 there. fucking sign T_T) That test really, I have my answers on hand and I was nervous because I want to top that time. The teacher roll called 80, 79, 78 -- no one stood up, 77, 76 -- 3 people stood up and one of them hold my paper! My name was announced and oh, I may not look like it before but I was proud of myself. I probably HOLD in all the glorious feeling and never showed it but now I remember it I wanna cry. Well I know I'm not like others who get more chance but... twice is sooo heart warming already. 

But I also get so low grades. I remember what Ma'am told me "you can get to the top if you review  the previous ones..." something  like that. In the in-house review, your head is just full of things -- thing you don't know, things you think you don't know and even if you looked at it 1000 times, you still fail to answer the same question. They play with words and scenarios and you'd really be nervous. You'll be ansering 400 questions per day -- you'll get sick but you want more. I don't know. Just huhuhu.

The only thing that makes you stay positive are your PEERS. Thank God for them for reminding me to stay positive. 

Though the BOTTOM LINE is that

I'm going to do this. I'm going to try to chase what I want. 

I just need to move my lazy ass. I think I have it, I just need to believe more in myself and -- embrace the lovely things around me.

I'm done here.