insecure

Erm.. I'm happy with who I am and if I'm not like that, I won't. This is my kind of crowd and if I am stuck with a group of people I do not feel comfortable, why would I try hard? LMAO. I'll look more of an idiot if I try hard. 

My day was great but my night was kind of so-so. 

If they find me different I don't care; sometimes I think they think different of me because I'm not so girly and I'm not into those kinds of stuff. Probably I'm into those kinds of stuff, with the people I call 'friends' Maybe they find it different that I just sit down while all of them interact. If I'm with my close friends then that will be great! But no I'm not going to learn how to fit in something I'm not.

I guess it will depend on how long I am stuck with a crowd that I am not comfortable with -- maybe I can learn, but it will be a long process. I'm not used to those types and I will just feel uncomfortable and insecure. I do not have anything against them but, I'm really not comfortable. I'm not a people person -- unless it is work. 

Wala lang.

I just realized this because it kind of pissed me of in a way.

Probably I just don't like people noticing and like broadcasting it. Ugh. Now I find another one of my weakness. Probably I've stayed at home for a long time I haven't really interacted with a lot of people so... I don't know. I just feel kind of different about it... probably kind of sad or pissed... hah... 

It's my weakness, but I'm not going to look down on myself. I just find it as a weakness that causes insecurity :( 

sad sad. honestly now it made me really sad. nothing has made me so sad until now. maybe because i am probably scared... I don't want to elaborate it.

I don't know what happened to me I've never been this sensitive :\ I usually brush off the thoughts but not it made me sad. Fck it. But I've learned my lesson, I'll stick with those people who I like to be with; but honestly I'm still a bit awkward or probably I'm just you know, placing a gap -- because I know they are close to each other I think I will just be a bother. That's what I think most of the time when I come into a group of people who are close to each other already gaaaah.

LMAO. Sorry but I'm sensitive tonight.
Ngayon lang ako nalungkot e. Basta. Kasi parang hirap na ata akong makipag interact sa tao. Or sa mga ganun lang na klase ng tao? Ewan. Pero sa tingin ko ang nag trigger yung sinabi niya ng malakas na kausapin ko naman sila para hindi daw ako mukhang kakaiba or something. FUCK diba. Insensitive. Ayoko na nga sa kanya e, ayoko na kasing makarinig ng ganun. Ewan. Dati ganun na siya pero, ewan ko hindi ko minamind, parang bahala siya. Ngayon lang ako nalungkot. Naiiyak nga ako e. Tahimik lang kasi talaga ako at hindi ako into stuffs like those.... shit lang. Naging sensitive lang siguro talaga ako ngayong gabi. Hay.

Ewan. Hindi kasi ako palagalit kapag mga ganun -- either labas sa kabilang tenga kaagad at di ko papansinin. E ngayon ata nag sink in sa akin. Naging sensitive ako. E siya pala insensitive na. Hindi lang rin naman siguro sa akin yung problema.

Sanay kasi akong i-suck up mga lait ng tao, if ever nilait ako or what. Pero once it strikes you, it's annoying pala at nakakalungkot. Naiyak na talaga ako, di ko kasi siguro malabas. Ang sama kasi niya e :(

Nakakalungkot na tuloy...

Naisip ko tuloy, na-suck up ko lahat ng sinasabi nila noon pa. Yung parang pinapabayaan ko silang sabihan ako ng kung ano ano. Childish etc. FUCK talaga. Parang feeling ko ngayon they look down on me or something.

Ayoko na talaga iiwas ako sa kanila. Hindi naman nila alam anong sinasabi nila e.
Basta, sa susunod na ganunin niya ulit ako ewan ko nalang....

Sasama na ako kina Ann ngayon. At least sila accepted ako.

Siguro kasi ang reaction ko lang usually smile smile etc., ang tingin nila accepted ko. But now no. I'll not fucking accept it. Promise hindi ako mabilis magalit. :((

Shet lang ngayon lang 'to. Nakakairita.